Where Are We Headed?

Keeping you informed about surviving breast cancer and other topics about women.

Where Are We Headed?

Since my last post in October, so much has transpired that my head just keeps spinning, and finding one particular topic to write about is tough.  With so much press about Women being abused in many ways, and now so much emphasis on Gun Violence, along with foreign interference regarding our elections it just tends to be come so overwhelming you want to just find a hole somewhere and hide.

Many have asked me for opinions related to all the above topics and basically I am really gray on all of it.  On the Woman’s Rights issues and all that chatter about affairs, accusations of sexual abuse and so on, I find myself once again in a Gray zone.  As most know who have been a follower of my blog and my book, I was a victim of several violations regarding criminal and domestic.  As a child growing up, I was abused physically and mentally.  As an adult the pot keeps filling up, husbands, careers, and a serial kidnapping rapist have left scars that will never completely heal, and will never totally be forgotten, but the good news is, I am still here, I am still productive and have not let anything change my own behavior or take me down.

My opinion simply is that men can be victims too, regardless of gender everyone is bait for the right “fish”.   How you handle the aggressiveness is important.  First and Foremost, to many times I have personally seen and witnessed women and men turn on the charm and become flirtatious & seductive when they are in pursuit of something.  Anyone who denies this is lying.  I know from my own personal experiences looks and personality can be a major influence in careers, relationships and so on.  So for some to be so ignorant or assume it is not sending wrong signals is really annoying.  And then when someone acts out because of it, then they are the bad person, but wait a minute, nothing was said or reported at the time of the incident, but now all of a sudden all these people are coming out of the wood work and crying foul.  Really?  Please understand, there are real abusers out there and there are real crimes being committed, however, that does not give everyone who was consensual at the time a free pass to accuse or dump on people now.  If a real crime is committed as with my situation, I immediately reported it and went through a lot of very traumatic times because of it, but I survived and do not regret reporting it, because I did not want anyone else to go through this.  And, after I did report it, found the criminal in question was under suspicion of 13+ assaults with the same MO.   I almost died that horrible night, but God and my family helped me get through it, and to this day, I still jump when someone comes up behind me, so that is another scar that will not go away, and this happened in 1981.  And I can still see his face with his ski mask on along with the scar on my throat that is still there.

As one cute but on point poster stated I saw on Facebook, “If you don’t want anyone to see your critters, then quit leaving the barn doors open.”  And pictured were actresses with their clothing tops slit down to their navels, and slits up the sides exposing more than just legs..  There is a way to show how proud you are of yourself and your appearances, however, some take that look as seductive and inviting.  Just sayin’

One of my biggest issues with Gender discrimination and it has happened to me more than once is like many, our pay never matches our duties or job titles in comparison to our male counter parts, and I have had to quit a job for sexual abuse.  Reported and then laughed at in a time and world when Men were chauvinistic butt heads.  Going to even the President of a company to complain about my supervisor threatening me with being fired if I did not comply with his wishes of sexual favors.  All I got was, “Oh, He is just teasing you, get over it.”

A perfect example of this particular company who had been in business since 1929, I will leave the names out to protect their positions, they had never hired a female to work in sales, it had always been men and women were only hired to do bookkeeping or work in the plant.  I went to work there in the early 80’s while attending and finishing college, as their Comptroller, or glorified Bookkeeper, as time rolled on, I because intrigued with their marketing and sales division, finding that with my personality, I could do this, and would love it. I was a musician by trade and always found myself great with people and loved social networking.  I was also barrel racing and owned horses so my passion for animals was a great help in being patient and kind.  But an attitude boost was I had a self confidence then I could conquer any task and always wanted to WIN.  I was a survivor of major abuse as a child and was determined I would never let that take my soul or turn me into a person who needed a crutch.

I attempted to apply for an opening in their Sales and Route division, when they had an opening, well, after getting a good chuckle from the Managers, I took my request once again to the President of the company, now keep in mind up until then no one had tried to mess with me, I was stuck in a corner office and the only time anyone came in was to hand me invoices or pick up pay checks, the rest of time I worked strictly with the Pres. and he was very kind, but unaware of certain things.   After convincing him to at least let me try, he agreed and had the Sales Manager bring in an engineering company from New Jersey to test me to see if I was a good candidate for the job, the test was four hours long, and once completed it took them two weeks to get back to my boss with the results.  Bottom line, as my boss put it, their Comments were as follows “If you don’t put her in Sales you would be making a huge mistake.”  So long story short, I was the perfect fit for the job.  They had to let me try.  After just two months, and I was bringing in all kinds of great accounts, my superior decided to make his moves.. And that is when I had to go… So not to bore you with details, let’s just say “You don’t touch this” and he found out quickly.

Now I only have one question for those women who are now coming out about affairs or one night stands that happened 10 or more years ago, “Do you always discuss all your consensual sexual encounters publically?”

Enough about that subject let’s move on to Gun violence and the areas I see that need to be fixed.  Mental cruelty is strong and can affect anyone who is a victim long enough.  In most of these shootings, not terrorist related, it has been a person who is struggling with life as a whole, and has not had the proper guidance or support needed to become a productive and be accepted by his or her peers.  In one of my blog posts I talk about suicide, and how no one person can truly understand what goes through someone’s mind or heart who has committed suicide.  Only they know why.  Our job should be to watch and observe one’s actions and try to see if they are demonstrating any strange or unusual behavior.  Most will say, “well, I never noticed anything wrong, or saw anything that would be a sign”  How much do we really know about a person?  Experts will tell you, you can know someone 50 years but never truly ever really know them.  Like small children who act out, there is a reason they do and it is usually a way for them to get attention, whether it is good or bad attention, they are crying out for anything to be noticed and in most cases will demonstrate what ever behavior gets the most attention.

Bullying is a major weapon and sad to say in most situations found primarily in our schools and even in groups where people are gathered as a club or for sports, etc.  Kids especially can be so cruel and it is primarily do to conditioning or lack of knowing any better.  Kids under certain ages speak out what they think because they have not been taught not to say or do anything that might offend someone.  And they tend to copy what they see or hear.  Older children live by example in most cases, they mirror their parents or their care givers.  If a child has parents who are very outspoken, opinionated and passionate about subject matters, their children will be too, but maybe not sharing the same thoughts but they develop a personality of the same.

I am very proud of my boys, they are compassionate, animal lovers, and are too kind sometimes or are soft hearted.  They were raised to love and respect both people and animals.  They have no prejudices and they are examples of moral respect and manners.  They love kids and are fantastic fathers.  As husbands, they have never been abusive or unkind, they are very helpful and supportive.  They are compassionate, and very loving.

My point is, being bullied is very hard to live with, it hurts all the way to your soul, some like my son’s took their experiences and became better men for it and developed themselves to be able to ward off bullies, and never let it take the best of them, I as well, learned to maximize my talents and develop my self into a better person.  However, some let it take them and consume them.  Instead of fighting back.  These are the people who need us the most.  And to all those who continue to bully, blood is on your hands for what consequences they develop.  yes, you, the ones who make fun of people, who tear people down, who spit and throw things at them, write horrible things about them, who take pictures and then share them to the world yes you.  And, trust me when I say, “What Goes Around, Comes Around”  and at some point in your lives, you will have to answer for what you have done.  By being a supporter, by providing positive words, by encouraging those to believe in themselves and spending time with them, not shunning them away, you could be saving the next victim.  Yourself or them.

Gun Control is not the total answer to resolving our epidemic,  and keeping in mind, guns are weapons and have to be controlled by people.  Punishing those who do not abuse the power or the weapon, is not going to solve the problem, it is only going to create more anger and anxiety.  Case in Point, while kids were Marching in Protest of Guns, armed police and first responders were there to protect them.  So do you happen to see what a conflict of interest we have here?  Making sure they do not get into the hands of those who could cause harm, is a bigger issue than guns themselves.  Criminals will always have ways to get weapons, but if we become to aggressive in not allowing honest tax paying citizens to the 2nd Amendment rights, then many cases where people were saved because they had a weapon, will vanish.  I don’t have all the answers, no one does, but to tell a young woman or young man to go and defend our country, and hand them a weapon, but, by they way, you as a person may not own one for personal protection.  Is totally Wrong…

Guns nor the NRA kill people.  People Kill People..

About the Author

PhilisJust a Mother, Wife, Career working individual with lots to share. Experienced in lots of things that might help others, and want others to join in our share. Published Author and Career Women, who believes in being able to speak freely and openly about any subject considered important to all. My main mission is to fight and win the battle of Cancer that takes to many lives everyday. I want to see a Cure and will continue to raise awareness and funding to see that happen. If not in my lifetime, but in the life times of my kids and grand kids.View all posts by Philis