Eat, Pray, Love!

This movie is probably one of the best depictions of the turmoil women of all ages face everyday. I think most of us can identify with the struggles of deciding what we want out of our lives, and relationships. Every time I watch it I see something else I did not notice before that is a bookmark of my own life.

I personally would recommend every woman to watch this very well written story. I know you will be able to identify with at least one small portion of the lead character’s mission to find herself. Currently available on DVD and Blue-Ray.

“In-Laws vs. Out-Laws”

I recently heard from a very close friend, she and her daughter-in-law, were having issues. Not new to me, suffering some issues my self in the past, I sympathized with her and tried to console her.

Two areas come to mind when Mother and Daughter In-Law problems arise.
Is there a right or wrong answer, or a right or wrong resolution?
First and Foremost, being that I am a Mother of two Grown Sons, both being married, or have been married. And, being a Daughter-in-Law more than once.

I can speak from first hand experience.
Years ago, a very wise woman in my life, told me the best friend a Married Woman can have, if applicable, is her husband’s mother. Fact in most cases, no one knows her husband better than his mother.

Making friends and being extremely patient with your Mother In-Law is crucial. Keeping in mind, in her eyes, he is still her little boy, and depending on the closeness of their relationship, will determine her attitude towards you.

Some Mothers I admit, do have a tendency to be just a little over baring when it comes to advising others on the behalf of their sons.

On the other hand, Son’s wives can sometimes be extremely jealous of a mother son relationship, therefore making a strong stance on their own behalf for equality. Especially when it comes to children of the Son and wife.

I have always vowed never to be a “medal ling mother in-law. And, for the most part, have not been. On the flip side, I have always tried very hard to please and get along with my spouse’s mother. This could be an acceptance issue. Always wanting to make sure I was accepted and to make my spouse happy.

I have had the domineering Mother In-Law, not pretty. Always telling me what to do, and how to do it. Never good enough, never worthy enough. To the point, it did cause a divorce.

And then again, I have had Daughter In-Laws who could care less about anything other than their own opinions or concerns to the point, I was left completely out of the picture, if they had their way. One basically even told me, Grandparents have no rights to discipline or opinions when it comes to their children, even if they are visiting your home. That is where I draw the line.

The Line in the sand is called “Respect”. No matter the situation, or the reason. All parties should be respectful of each other, and display such when addressing each other.

If you are visiting the home of your Mother and Father, as the Son and Daughter in-law, you should respect them and respect their wishes when it comes to how you monitor yourselves and your children. Rules are honored and followed. Discipline should be conducted if applicable, and Grandparents should and do have rights in their homes to expect that.

I find in talking to other people who have grandchildren, this is one of the biggest problems they face in their on going relationships with their grown kids.

Seeing your grand-kids getting away with issues you would never allow your kids when they were small. Younger parents tend to be more willing to “let go” of situations or problems rather than take the time to teach or correct. It is the gentle approach, and less aggressive. In some respects I disagree.
Not that I agree with harsh discipline, however, laughing or giving the kids a timeout just does not always cut it.
What some parents fail to realize or understand, if the children are not taught to respect and mind their manners at home, they will not be respectful in others.
And, if they become defensive when others try to correct the children, (Grandparents), then that is being disrespectful of their homes and possessions.

So, with all of the above, we both could use a little more understanding and try harder to be more respectful of each other.

Daughter In-Laws need to be more open to advice and help from their Mother In-Laws, and Mother In-Laws need to be less domineering. Providing Wisdom and examples of what might be of use. And only offering when asked.

Daughter In-laws need to respect others homes and wishes when visiting, keeping their children in toe, and trusting grandparents in their want to help and nurture.

The Stress that is caused when there is tension among the family, can be damaging, and can create serious problems between the Husband and Wife. Both in the children and the parents.

Try to be more compassionate and understanding on both sides, and a happier, healthier relationship will blossom.

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For all my Sisters, Mothers, Aunts, Grandmothers, Daughters and friends!

Hot subject”Why are we so Under-Rated?”

This Blog subject has been receiving the most comments, and I must say everyone has been positive in feedback and opinion. Because of the overwhelming response of readers, I am compelled to continue the fight for Equal Rights for all.
As a person who has been a victim, of both discrimination, and sexual harassment, I am finding more and more unsung victims are out there, and I just hope I can be a very small voice for them as well.

Reverse, Age & Female Discrimination is still alive and well, and it is time it received as much attention as Racial or Religious Discrimination seems to get.
To many women still get overlooked in career positions and job placement due to their gender.

Years ago still in College, I went to work for a very large Linen Company. They supplied uniforms, and commercial type linens to a variety of commercial venues. The company was founded in 1929, Family Owned and Operated.

I was hired to be the “Bookkeeper”. In today’s world, “Comptroller”.

After working there for over a year, I found my self intrigued with Sales and Marketing. The company had never hired or had a Female in Route Sales or as a Sales Person. Keep in mind this was in the 70′s.

All female positions were kept strictly in the Operation Plant (Very Labor Intense) and in the Office.

(This story will also appear in my Book, “Big Tears Little Hearts”.)

The Company Had Male Supervisors, Managers, and all Sales positions, including Route Drivers were all male.

I felt in my heart, my passion was more in Marketing and Sales, finding Bookkeeping extremely boring and with very little contact to the outside world. Even though my education was directed to Accounting and Business Admin. I really felt PR work or Marketing was really my nitch.

I tried for months to get the Owner and Sales Manager to allow me to apply for the positions as they became open, but denied every time. After several Months past, the Sales Manager finally decided to talk to the Owners about possibly allowing me to be tested to see if I could do the job. (The real motive is unveiled by these actions)

One Monday morning after arriving to my office, I was called in to the Owner’s office, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, that was usually the case every morning, going over the day’s business before getting started.
However, this morning was a bit different. When I walked into his office, I saw the Sales Manager, and a Stranger sitting there, all glaring at me.

I sat down, then the Owner proceeded to let me know who the strange gentleman was. He was an engineer from New Jersey here to test me for the Sales Position. (They had hired a professional engineering consulting firm who tests people for skills and to determine if I in fact would be a good candidate for the Sales position.)
I was asked if I would agree to take the test, and if I did, they would honor the results. In other words we agreed to what ever the results stated, it would be our final discussion. They agreed to put me in Sales if the test proved worthy, and I agreed to drop the subject if it proved NOT.

It was a four hour test, asking all kinds of questions and yes, one of those trick tests that ask the same question several times, in different text, to see if you arrive with the same answers.

To make a long story short, when the results came in, the Firm called the President, and in short, said “If you don’t put her in Sales, you are crazy!”
I scored so high in People Skills and Marketing skills, they were totally astonished.

Yes, I was then placed in Sales, and my training started.
Remember, I stated early, the truth to motives was unveiled after I made the cut.

Of course, moving into another position, opened up my bookkeeping position, so I had to hire and train a new Bookkeeper. Astonishing enough, they agreed to a Male Bookkeeper..go figure..

After I was done training in my new position, and trained my replacement, I was off and running…

For some odd reason, the Sales Manager always wanted to come with me on sales calls.

After about three or four times out, I found out why. He started making advances, and comments about my appearance, my clothing, and my character, always complimenting and positive.

One day, he suggested we go have lunch together, so I agreed. Keep in mind, I was very naive back then.

We went to an average restaurant, nothing special, had lunch, he bought, then on the way back to the office he decided to pull off in a shopping strip parking lot, and at that time started his moves. Trying to touch my leg, then putting his arm around me to pull me closer to him and that is when I bolted. He apologized and pleaded with me to get back in the car, he would drive me back to the office, and “we would not” discuss this incident again.

Two days later, he called me into his office and said, “if you have a problem with US, being close, (and yes, he was a married man, with children and a pillar in his church) then he was not sure if my position in Sales would continue much longer.

Totally blown away by all this, I went to the owner with my problems, and he basically was unsympathetic, and dis concerned. And, had the audacity to even state, “you knew you would be put in this position when you decided to invade this department.”
Well, in today’s world, this would have been an open and closed cased for Sexual Harassment, and I even had written documents to prove it.
But, it was the 70′s, and not much support was there then.

I ended up quitting, and looked for another job.

As my first Blog indicated, I suffered from Reverse discrimination as well years later, losing my position, to a Man of Color, so my firm could be eligible for Government contracts.

Even with all I have encountered as you will read in my Blogged Book, I still believe we are all one color, one race, one breed. We all deserve respect, and consideration.

I just wish some would honor and respect how far we have come, but lots more work needs to be done.

Some are very extreme on using “the race card” while others sit quietly never standing up for what is right. Discrimination comes in all shapes and sizes. It is up to all of us, to equal it out.

More to come, so stay tuned and keep those comments coming, I really love reading what you have to say, and feel my mission is to get your thoughts out there! Thank you loyal readers!

Bullies definitely have self esteem issues

Going off the book right now, I decided it was time to approach this very serious issue. Not new, bullying, has been around since the evolution of Man Kind. Instead of trying to band aide the problem or teach people how to defend or ignore, we need to find a solution to the underlying problem.
Self Esteem comes to mind.
In some respects, people or kids who bully are usually not very happy people anyway.
They have something in their beings which creates and generates anger, depression, or simply put, just not happy self confident beings.

If we as a caring society to get to the bottom of their issues and try to help them, it might decrease the amount of bullying going down now.

Jealousy is another character trait that reflects negative behavior. Again, stemming from self esteem. If we feel good about ourselves, happy with ourselves and love ourselves, we have no need or reason to dislike or bully others.

Consider it like rehabilitating a criminal, if we worked on helping to rid negative behavior by finding the source and fixing it, the person in question would be less likely to do it again.

Stop wasting time on advertising the problem, and put more action into helping the problem resolve itself.